ACCUTANE!: My (own) Depression-Watch.

BEEN SO LONG

2008-02-27T21:41:00.000-08:00

I'M BACK

So, I haven't posted in a really long time and good news- I haven't been depressed, just really busy.

I'm back in the city (union square west- hollarrrrrrr) and i'm back on my normal 40mg a day with just one (adequately sized- like the limes in runts) pill.

I'm back to the normal dry-skin and chapped-lips "thing", so I'm def using my Aquaphor and moisturizer all the time.

THE ONLY ISSUE------
Since I've been back I've started drinking again on weekends. And of course, instead of just having one or two drinks I always end up getting REALLY DRUNK.

Like, this drunk:

So, the other day I was looking in the mirror (gotta check for acne) and thought that my eyes looked like this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:
-which would not only be awful because that picture is extremely terrifying, BUT IT WOULD MEAN THAT MY LIVER IS REALLY FUCKED UP. Which is really, really naughty. -So, I've been sober for 5 days (not like that would really help anyhow) to try and not ruin my liver anymore than I already may have. But, I got my blood tested today and I'll find out on Friday if there is anything wrong (and I really doubt that anything actually is).

Also:
I wanted to try and get in shape this semester and was doing yoga for a while (which i really like), but it proved to be too difficult with distance, and class times, and business. So... I STARTED WORKING OUT 4-5 TIMES A WEEK (for one week so far). ha.
it's really good. i forgot how much i like to exercise.

Okay. I'm going to sleep now. I'll let you know what happens on Friday when I meet with my doctor and he reads my blood test!!!!!

WITHDRAWAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-01-12T21:55:00.000-08:00

I thought I could just cash in my RX for the 'tane while I was home in Florida (during winter break), but it turned out to be a huge pain in the ass (my dr. forgot to finish his part of iPledge and then the RX expired and he was on vacation for a week).

So, needless to say, I was jonesin' for some skindrugs. I don't think my skin got worse while I was off it for a week, but I missed the regularity of taking my pill once a day.

Then, a week later, I got a new RX and it was for 60mg!!!!!!!! (a 20mg upgrade). I now take 3 pills a day (and its sort of fun to try and figure out when to take them all throughout my day).

The only issue is that my body was like, "wtf" when I went back on it and at a higher dose. So not only is my whole face really dry, I also have little patches of dry skin all over my body.

so, that's about it for now. remind me to talk about drinking next time - I'm currently compiling data (not as we speak, though).

my goodies (not your goodies)

2007-12-17T02:06:00.000-08:00

The only thing I own worth being jealous over is my new humidifier.

(it's the blue and white thing)

So, the humidifier is great and I've had it positioned to shoot humidity on my face all night long, but I recently moved it away from my face and I got a nose bleed 3 hours later. coincidence?

Either way, humidifiers look really cool and I do think they are cool. They cost anywhere from $30-$200 (i would suggest something under $100- because humidity is humidity -BUT WATER IS NOT WATER. TAP WATER TASTES AWFUL).

also worth noting: LOOK HOW MUCH MY BAMBOO PLANT IS GROWING!

MUST-HAVES!

2007-12-08T15:58:00.000-08:00

THIS HOLIDAY SEASON
GET YOUR LOVED ACCUTANE USER (yourself) EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT

WATER, MOISTURIZER, AQUAPHOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WATER: I must have a glass of water immediately before and after I wake up or else I feel like crying. Also, I must drink water whenever I am not talking. ALWAYS. When I'm walking down the street and think, "Hey I have three bucks", that translates to "MUST BUY THE BIGGEST FIJI I CAN FIND ON THIS BLOCK!" (in fact, accutane has changed me from trying to drink less bottled water [for the environment] to wanting the biggest, prettiest, most expensive water I can find).
MOISTURIZER: Go ahead and kiss your skin GOODBYE if you don't have a moisturizer. Find one and lube up your face with it. (gross). ALWAYS. I like this Kiehl's one (yerba maté)- it's really light and feels good, but smells awful.
AQUAPHOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!- Aquaphor is my wife. Have to have it everywhere. I feel bad when I forget about it and it hurts when Aquaphor is hiding from me. --------That was dumb, but... Aquaphor is like chapstick but you can put it on really dry places on other parts of your body (not naughty, i swear.). It's the only chapstick I have tried so far that can tame my Accutane-dryness riddled lips.

seriously though, if you are going on accutane, buy these things, now.

note: I actually do not want anything of these things for christmas. thank you.

UPDATES!!!!!!!

2007-12-05T22:29:00.000-08:00

i have now taken 7 pills!!!!!!!

anyway,
my skin is now starting to get really dry- i think more than just normal. so... i guess it's working.

also, when i put on my face wash my skin actually feels like it is burning. so weird. but... i guess that's just the way it is.

BIGGEST DEVELOPMENT
I went to a party tonight and it was a good time except for a few occurrences that really just put me off. So, I was in a weird mood for the majority of the night and I get back to my room and I feel overwhelmingly distraught over it and I feel like it's the biggest deal. I felt like my chest was going to cave in and then a friend texted me and the whole feeling went away. I don't think that this is accutane related (though it may be). I get upset all the time and I have been in a great mood for the past two weeks, so... something somewhat stressful may just seem really awful compared to how i've been feeling recently. maybe it is the accutane.

we'll get into this more later.

FOOD WATCH!!?!?!??!?!?!

2007-12-03T00:21:00.000-08:00

My Dr. told me that I have to watch the foods I eat (as they go in my mouth?) BC accutane will raise my cholesterol(????). So... I CAN'T EAT AS MUCH BAD(/delicious) FOOD AS I WOULD LIKE.

This is really a shame. I consider myself someone who loves food and has a really developed palate who is open to trying any food.
Here is my ideal meal-----

Appetizer:
Main Course:
Dessert:
Midnight Snack:

responsible pill-taker

2007-12-01T00:20:00.000-08:00

so here we are. i have now taken TWO accutane pills.

side effects:
none so far. my lips or skin aren't extraordinarily dry- just normal winter wear and tear, you know?

and as far as my mentality goes, i think I've been in the best moods I have been all week since I've started taking it (unrelated, I know).

however, there is one side effect that I didn't even really think about:
NO DRINKING!!!!!!!!!-Which really isn't that big of a deal, but it changes things a little but- I CAN'T EVEN HAVE A GLASS OF WINE. say what?????

So everything else is pretty good right now- I'm about to go sleep and stuff.

this is funny:

OMG!

2007-11-29T00:30:00.000-08:00

AM I A PROPHET?!?!?!?!!?!?!??!!?

"there will be blood"- title of my entry- 24 hours later...

BLOOD IS POURING OUT OF MY NOSE BY THE PINTS!!!!!!!!!!! and i've never even had a nosebleed before?????? weird.

apparently this what you're supposed to do if your nose starts bleeding:

accutane countdown: 14.5 hours

There Will Be Blood (foreshadowing?)

2007-11-28T00:22:00.000-08:00

I had to be anorexic last night because I had to "give" blood to NYU.

I then signed my life away to my doctor and once I did that, they gave me this little business card that shows all the signs of depression???????????????

And that is a question because THE SIGNS OF DEPRESSION DO NOT MAKE ANY SENSE!

Because... (and this is me quoting the signs of depression...) I am sad from time to time and yes, I do cry. Also... I have trouble sleeping- I do drink too much caffeine after 2pm. My appetite changes all of the time- Hello caffeine. I also have trouble concentrating, but... I don't think that means that I am depressed (OR HAVE A.D.D. FOR THAT MATTER). And okay, the worst "sign" of all is- "Feel like you have no energy"- I am in college and I (already mentioned that I) don't sleep and I walk a lot.

Basically the signs of depression don't exist and so I started freaking out that I wouldn't know when I actually was depressed (or suicidal). So... I started this blog to look at and think, "Hey, I wrote that I wanted to die in my last entry, maybe I'm depressed?" But actually, I'll know when I'm depressed when I (undoubtedly) give up on this and say that it's stupid.

I meet with my doctor on Thursday for him to actually give me the prescription (I think.) So, at that point I can write more about myself (yes!).

Introduction

2007-11-27T18:33:00.000-08:00

I live in New York City.

I go to NYU.

and I have acne.

My health insurance is all messed up right now (long story), so I have NYU health insurance and it's annoying dealing with all of their ridiculously strict rules and regulations.

Either way, my NYU dermatologist looked at my face and basically said, "Oh my god, you need accutane. I can tell just by glimpsing at your skin. I don't even need you to lift up your shirt to know that you have acne on your back (EXCUSE ME?)."

So... regardless of the actual state of my skin, I am pressing forward and going on the "controversial" (is it really?) accutane--- one time this kid in Florida flew an airplane into an office building while he was on accutane. And, once, when my sister was on accutane in high school she called my mom at 11:30p.m. crying, "I'M GOING TO TAKE A WHOLE BOTTLE OF TYLENOL IF YOU MAKE ME COME HOME RIGHT NOW! MY CURFEW IS TOO EARLY! I'M NOT COMING HOME!"

So, does accutane make you depressed (and possibly suicidal) or is it just hype (or teenage angst?)?

ACCUTANE!: My (own) Depression-Watch will hopefully help me document the (obnoxious) process of getting accutane through NYU and how I feel when I'm on it. Hopefully only good?
and possibly I'll provide some profound insight into not only my life, but also the life of an nyu college student (even though I think Felicity beat me to it).

WE'LL SEE!